Trying to Figure it Out

I have come to a point in my life where I have no idea what I want and I am always confused. There will be days where I feel like I know exactly what I want to do and I am certain that my studies will help me succeed. But there are other days where I feel like my head is spinning and I can't focus on a clear path of action. I feel so blocked as far as school is concerned, especially when it comes to filling out my application for an internship program in DC next semester.

I have to write a personal essay about how my academic and career goals will play into an internship and what my ideal internship looks like. But if I don't know what I want to do with my life, how am I supposed to answer that? I don't know. I can't just write an essay saying I want to be closer to home, which, to be perfectly honest, partially plays a role in my choice to apply to intern/study in DC. The application is due October 8, but because I'm a sophomore and they prefer Juniors and Seniors, I want to get my application in early. I have everything else lined up and ready to go. I have references, my resume, and all the necessary information for the basic application... all I need is my essay. GAH! Why can't I just get this done? I should go to the writing center or something. Maybe they could help me get unblocked.

I'm over-thinkning. I always do. Always. I should just do it. Just write and see what comes. Ha. Right. That's not going to happen. I feel like I have so much going on that's clouding my mind. I have so much other work and activities that take up time, energy, and space in my brain that I don't know if I can do this. Maybe I'm stressing myself out. Maybe I'm spreading myself too thin. I don't want to burn out, but at the same time, I want to be involved. I want to make a difference. I don't want to just sit in my room and watch online TV. I want people to respect me academically... I feel like they don't. I feel like I'm just getting by academically. I can't do that. I need to go above and beyond... push myself. I didn't push myself in high school. I just got by with a little studying and sweet talk. I can't do that here. That won't fly in college. That's not the real world. I have to be better than I was, in all aspects of my life. But most of those are rants for another time.

So this was a ramble of mumbo-jumbo. *sigh*...